thoughts when discussing “queer assimilation”
- what sort of queerness is political to you? how do you afford to be political in your job? is this politicalness tied to any specific type of geographic location (cities, blue states vs rural areas, “flyover” states”)
- what does assimilation entail exactly when the majority of LGBT+ people are born into non-LGBT+ families?
- where do LGBT+ elders and minors fit into the sort of Acceptably Queer Life: are there resources specifically for people who don’t (or shouldn’t) be in clubs, bars?
- what support is given to LGBT+ parents especially considering: Black lesbians are twice as likely than white lesbians to parent children and the racism found in many LGBT+ spaces?
- How do we create actual safe places in our communities and send messages that abuse is not tolerated, instead of vague handwaves at transformative justice rhetoric?
- How can we define authenticity without falling into the liberal search for it that often involves appropriating or ‘slumming it’ temporarily?
[I converted the tags to text because I think they’re all really good points. I will delete them if it’s a problem.]
idk, i don’t think the issue is so much literal ppl assimilating into ‘str8 culture’ as it is str8 ppl creating a racist, sexist, restrictive model of acceptable queerness,and assimilating THAT MODEL into their social norms
instead of actually breaking down any barriers,they just want to make it ok to be a white cis monogamous gay man in an ltr
i think that’s what ppl are thinking abt when they talk abt assimilation
that specific phenomenon is what id use the word to describe, personally, the thing is its not possible for 90% of queer ppl to ‘assimilate’ as in ‘meet the str8 white american standard for acceptable queerness’
bc we just.. aren’t white cis monog gay men in/seeking ltrs, or like, we dont want the things that the white str8 model holds up as desirable n normal
so idk,i def see what this post is saying and i agree w it (talking abt queer elders of color ‘assimilating’ by getting married is a fucking joke eg) but there are also good reasons why the str8 push n huge focus on marriage is a bad thing and thats what most ppl are talking abt when they say queer assimilation
so yeah, queerness
So, I’ve been reading a bunch of queer theory lately (e.g. Unlimited Intimacy, The Trouble with Normal, Times Square Red Times Square Blue) as well as a number of editorials on Truvada, and there is a certain anti-gay-marriage argument that seems very one dimensional, with a culture and community of public sex on one side and a very isolated, consumerist, semi-closeted concept of marriage on the other (with pre-screened drop-down-menu-based on-line hookups falling closest to the isolated, consumerist end.) And clearly, a lot of that argument is coming as a response to Larry Kramer, Larry Sullivan, et al. saying that promiscuity is pathological, immature, and will be “cured” by gay marriage.
In The Trouble with Normal, Warner does spend a significant amount of space talking about what alternatives to gay marriage he would like to see (basically a range of legally recognized relationships so that each couple can choose only the benefits they want — e.g. child custody, durable power of attorney, tax status, pension and death benefits, communal property and the right to its formalized dissolution, i.e. divorce). But that doesn’t seem to be an argument that you hear articulated in the media.
But there is also a strain of the argument which is that public sex is the basis of gay community, and I think that is what the original poster was talking about. So, as cruising goes online, there is a collapse and a consumerization of queer public spaces. And the question is what queer spaces would you ideally want (in addition to, not instead of, bars and clubs)?
- Places for teenagers (Could you ever get funding or official support for trying to set up a safe space for queer teens to have sex? Would it be actually a really terrible idea and prone to all kinds of abuse?)
- Alcohol-free spaces
- Free-of-charge spaces
- Non-cruising spaces
- Retirement and nursing homes
- Family spaces. Particularly relevant because most queer people aren’t born into queer culture. Based on various disapproving stories my mother told me (and a couple comments from my father) I think my father was maybe sleeping with his roommate when he was in college, and I wonder what it would have been like to grow up queer in a household where bisexuality was just accepted as a possibility
It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately in terms of what kind of queer space I would want to go to at this point in my life.